Something I felt on my heart to share on this very day, I can feel collectively, how the actions of others affect us directly and, naturally, those closest to us.
This gift has repeatedly presented itself through beings I love most and held closest to my heart, at various stages and throughout my life.
When I find myself triggered by a behaviour, let's say it's my own behaviour, I like to remind (or in this instance, reheart) myself that it's not a reflection of who I am but rather as a result of the challenges I am facing at that moment. In some moments, my behaviour is as a result of an unresolved trauma response from earlier on in life. The trick is being conscious of this in myself first. This way, it becomes much easier to identify in others instead of taking it personally.
In my opinion, which is just my opinion based on my own experiences, if we could begin by calling ourselves out on our own behaviour, we would be able to detach from the triggers of others.
Let's use an intimate partner as an example, for the sake of this post, a "toxic relationship". How often have you found yourself calling them toxic? "Jim is so toxic..." or "You won't believe what Jane did, listen to this..." Complete those 2 sentences and check in with your gut on how you feel when you say it. Now try this on: "Jim must be going through some challenges at this moment, his behaviour is out of character..." and the same applies to Jane.
I don't know about you but for me, I found myself using a lot more curse words, some really creative one's too but what I brought to my own awareness was seeing how their behaviour resonated with past versions of myself. In some moments, I've found myself thinking, "I may never have experienced this but if I did I would never have behave this way" but then, low and behold, found myself in almost identical scenario/s either behaving the same or about to.
In some moments, I identified immediately that this was not who I was anymore and have made a concerted effort to break free from my own behaviour patterns. By being conscious of my own means that I can practice empathy for others. More importantly though, it means that I can separate myself a lot easier from beings who I have inflicted pain through.
While I find myself either in love or loving of a being, I can comfortably separate myself from the repercussions of their behaviour, knowing that although we share beautiful and fond memories and that there were very real moments between us, I have got my own back and if I allow myself to get caught up in the whirlwind of someone else's experience, then I only have myself to blame. Boundaries baby. Be having them!
So, just rehearting you that their behaviour is not who they are, you are not delusional, you most likely have fallen in love with who they are at the core. After all, we see in others a reflection of ourselves. You would not support a friend in losing themselves as a result of behaviour that is not in alignment with their highest, would you? Love yourself the same way.
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