For most of my life, I wanted answers.

Why did they do that?

How could this happen?

When will things get better?

Who can I trust?

Where do I go from here? 

Those questions spun me in circles, they kept me awake at night, kept me tangled in old stories and kept me desperately trying to solve riddles that were never mine to solve. The more I chased the “how, when, why, who, where,” the more powerless I felt.  Then one day, I stopped and out of nowhere, realised that the power isn’t in the reasoning but that it's in the reality.  

It's about that. 

That it happened.  That it hurt.  That it shifted me.  That I get up every morning.  That I picked myself up, dusted myself off and carried on.  That I’m still here. The that is the anchor. It’s the truth that doesn’t need decorating or defending and when I finally accepted the that, I stopped drowning in the why because the why can be twisted, the how can be complicated, the when can feel unfair, the who can break your heart and the where can leave you lost but the that... that is neutral, that is undeniable, that is where the healing begins.  

I don’t need to know why someone couldn’t love me the way I needed, I just need to accept that they couldn’t and in that acceptance, I can finally love myself in the ways I expected others to.  

I don’t need to know how I’ll figure out every step of this journey, I just need to trust that I am on it.  And in that trust, I take the next breath, the next step, the next brave choice.

It’s not the why that sets me free, it’s the that.  So maybe today, instead of asking the endless questions, you hold your hand over your heart and simply say: “That happened and I’m still here.”  

That is enough.  That is everything.

Love you.  Love yourself.

Keilah ❤️